Incrimination Deluxe

The literary dish you are about to consume is a juicy, delicious morsel loaded with fatty confession and smothered with a delectable, defiant cream sauce.

Details: We first take a slab of Matt and place him on an oiled grill, heated to 451 degrees farenheit, at which point he will spontaneously combust into a conflagration of boredom. Here we flip him, just once, until his ass is pointed directly up in the air for a smattering of paperwork and dull conversation with our elderly meat tenderizer. We then dip him in a deep vat of of rich animal fat and choke him with formulaic phone calls and a sense that he is never in control of his own fate. We stretch him out upon a table and mince him into very small pieces and allow him to simmer in a pan lined with a bland, foreboding seasoning that leaves him wondering what could possibly happen next. As we allow him to simmer, he rebels furiously with pops and fizzles that scream out his longing for independence, which only adds to the flavor. He sizzles when all the cooks are absent from the kitchen, and even offers up his cry for help - and this is the essence of the Incrimination Deluxe. Here he confesses he is sick and tired of the pan, even the whole damn kitchen while he should just resign himself to being cooked, and now we know he is almost ripe! In just 3 short months the dish is served and ready for consumption. Mmmm . . . I'm sure you can smell him cooking right now . . .

Ask your server about Incrimination Deluxe today! (Photograph unavailable.)

-Matt Bloom